Breaking News: Death Is Funny Sometimes

I cracked a joke about a dead person the other day, and to put it mildy, it was not well recieved. It put alot of things in perspective for me. I percieved the death to be funny, while others thought I was sending a proverbial "fuck you" to the deceased. So then, when exactly is death funny? I decided to examine and analyze this information. You know, for the betterment of society. Here are my findings:

1. Death is never funny when its a child. Even though children sometimes die in very funny ways, their innocence overrides the mishap, and their death is ALWAYS rendered a heartless tragedy. I don't disagree. I like kids, and when they die, it is sad.

2. Death of a dog is NEVER funny. In many ways, its worse than a kid. Dogs are so cutesy wutsey, and everytime I see Fido smashed into the pavement, a little piece of me dies. True story.

3. An honorable death is never funny. I will let you decide what is honorable.


Now, on to the opposite end of the spectrum:

1. The death of a douchebag is ALWAYS funny. They had it coming, and its not enough that they're dead, now we all must piss on their graves with delight. It will stop the douchiness from manifesting itself in the living.

2. The death of an unknown person is only funny if they died in some awesome, horrible way. You know the type. I saw a video of a Chinese person getting SMASHED IN HALF by a streetsweeper or something. Ok, it wasn't funny, but it had potential.


Some deaths are neither funny nor tragic. Some are just meaningless. Like when old people die. Everyone knew it was coming. They were prepared, and waiting in line at the attorney's office for handouts. Please take note, if it's my grandmother thats dies, it's very, very sad, and I will of course whip your ass if you say otherwise, which leads me to my next point.

The comedic value of a death has everything to do with the viewer. While I thought the death of the aforementioned deceased person was a good wise crack, it is quite possible that I have no heart, and also quite possible that you have no spine. Whatever the case, I will leave such judgements to you.

Visit consumptionjunction.com for some horrifyingly tasteless death humor.