Florida Is A Hit With Old People, Gays

If you have ever been to Florida, you probably spent a great deal of time behind a Buick at 40 mph, screaming your ever-living brains out. I experience this supreme pleasure every single day of my life. I suppose its just so frustrating because I'm a young, fast-paced individual, and it's Driving Miss Daisy every goddamn day out on the highway. On the other end however, are frat kids buzzing through traffic at 100 mph, behind the wheel of a cheap car with an expensive paint job. Mom and Dad should be sterilized. So, everywhere I search for a happy medium. A traffic demographic that I can really deal with. So, I looked at my average speed and duration of travel. My vehicle choice, and my favorite places to drive, factored them all together, and viola! A terrifying result. My travel buddies are no one other than....The Gays! Those Versace wearing, exfoliating, messenger bag toting lady-boys. I suppose it could be worse. I guess the gays never really bothered me. I never stopped at their "friendship booth" in college. I was afraid of their cooties. Perhaps I should have extended my hand out in friendship (with Purell protection of course). If only I would have known that i'd be chasing the rainbow on my daily commute, I would have been more open towards my bronzed brethren. So, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Gays. For saving me from the Frat Kids, (who are just gays in the closet), and the old people who know that you stand for everything that is wrong and evil. Carry on valiant homos! Carry on.